Arena37°C Special [07.2009] – Ruki
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еще не переведенная, так что готовьтесь to improve your English)))
оно того стоит, поверьте)
credits to: kiniro-ageha.livejournal.com/
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Yes, yes. Well I guess that is something one can’t really grasp about oneself. (laughs) But really, about your Lyrics, they are not fictional, are they?
[They are not. My lyrics are non-fiction – all of them*. Somehow, I just don’t want to add lies within my lyrics. I just want to say real/honest things. I am only human, so there are things which I want to hide, however, within my lyrics I don’t want to hide these things and just face them, I think. Doing that though, I would NOT go about such blunt/weird things as how I got stomach problems and diarrhea. (laughs) Anyway, in my lyrics, I really only want to use words without any lies to sing.] (*Ruki is refering to his current lyrics. He has said in previous interview,s that he started to write about things happening around him more clearly from around the time of [Filth in the Beauty]. He said that songs like [Cassis] or [Reila] could be regarded more as stories and occasions seen in a dream, even though they might have elements of things that happened around him during that time.)
- Lies are a sad thing, aren’t they?
[Yes. It is sad to lie, because in the end, when you lie, you won’t be able to understand yourself. Although, it seems, there are lies that need to be told in the world, too…]
- It seems like it… I think you are someone, who is facing yourself rather directly still, when you look back at yourself at the beginning of Gazette and at the person you are right now, where do you feel you have changed?
[I think my heart has broadened as such. I think by meeting so many different people, this is what has come to be. I have more freedom (to let myself be more open) concerning that. It seems, as I can continue being in a band, my viewpoint on things changed. Back in the days, the feeling of not wanting to lose against other bands, was extremely strong, still, now I’m not so challenged by that (feeling) anymore. Honestly, I think I would like our music to sell, but it won’t come to the point where I make music that sells. I think that is something that really changed. Good things are good and bad things are bad, that is just the distinction of it. There is no blurring this anymore. In a good way, I think I have become incredibly selfish (concerning that).]
- Have you gotten stronger?
[I have, in various aspects.]
- Have you gotten weaker also?
[No, there seems to be no part which has gotten weaker.]
- As a human being, when you are able to be more composed, you can also be nicer/more understanding with people also, can’t you?
[Yes, it must be like that. There are also things which I have settled with. I’ve gotten a lot better at controlling myself. In the past, if someone would yell at me, I would yell right back at them, but I am more able to control this now. Regarding to the case and the circumstances there are still times when I lose control, though. (laughs) I’ve not yet rounded that up completely. (laughs)]
- Well, but I think it’s also bad to lose one’s edges completely.
[I think so, too. However, in the past there have been quite a few edges to myself and I would just say things straight out (without thinking). I’ve really broken off a few things with that. Therefore, there had been a lot of judging by that, too.]
- For example?
[For example, I am someone who could never and still can’t understand the reasoning behind cutting oneself. Of course I understand how it is, when thinking there is no place to go and to be deeply troubled by not being able to do anything really. Still, I don’t understand the meaning of hurting oneself for that reason at all. I wrote about that in my blog once, it had been a really long entry, too. The reactions/opinions I got concerning those words about my objections (towards this), were pretty extreme. For me at that time, I had only written those things I thought, without lying. I had a lot of doubts concerning this. I am still addressing the things I have doubts about directly, but it seems that my way of saying them has changed from back in the days. In the past my wording would be like everything was just the same, but then, when people would get at me saying things like [What do YOU ever know about that?!] I would just get back at them with things like [Well, it’s not like I want to know either!].]
- Pretty strong…
[Probably. It is not the sort of strength, which is unnecessary, but fighting about things like that is of no use. That way, I came to think about these things eventually.]
- That’s all very difficult. Even as humans might feel the same kind of pain, one will never understand them 100% in their being, I think. You can’t just simply ask them to give their best like that anyway, either…
[Yes. It doesn’t matter whether you tell them you don’t want to know, or whether you tell them to be strong. There will always be people getting back at you with [What do you ever know anyway???] Nonetheless, I will always say honestly what I think about things I doubt, because I hope that people will stop cutting themselves, when I tell them, what I think. Therefore there is this harshness about it. It has happened that there are people who stopped due to that actually.]
- This is really difficult, because it is a very sensitive topic.
[Yes. However, having said this one thing really had been engraved into peoples’ hearts.]
- In that sense, compared to the past, have you become more careful about the words you are saying, then?
[Hmm…I don’t know whether I have become more careful with the things I am saying, I’d say I have come to think about the way I am saying them more. As I said, the way of my thinking hasn’t changed much, when comparing the past and now. If I have doubts about something, it’s the same as in the past and I am not saying things I don’t believe in, nor would I lie concerning my own feelings with the things I say. That hasn’t changed. Different things are different, and things which don’t match, won’t match. Certain expressions have a lot of power to influence things and I am not one to just talk according to appearance.]
- It is probably a special skill to reach a certain way of conveying things the way they are remembered.
[It must be. But I guess this is also one of the things I have grown to do.]
- It doesn’t mean though, that you are just up for a quarrel.
[Because usually, when you don’t think the way someone else does and say this straight out, you are certainly up for a quarrel. It’s not like that, however, thinking about conveying something and not reaching anything with it then, has no meaning, I came to think. I think I have grown up like that. Meeting different people, I have learned a lot about the way people are thinking, I believe. At least I could think so.]
- Yes, I understand. This is more of my personal opinion, but I myself, would get really disgusted by myself, when I was just complaining how miserable I was living.
[Ahahahahahaha]
- Like: [Well, how long are you planning on saying this? Who do you think is living in a good way then? What would actually be the thing to tell you live properly?]
[Such as [I am such an awkward person…]…like Takura Ken-san. (laughs)]
- Ahahahahaha. Somehow I like that kind of roughness pretty much, though. (laughs) Making art out of one’s own awkwardness, well, but I am not saying that, it’s just himself. In that sense. Well, I do understand this kind of saying from young people and those who have not much experience in living, but when it comes to grown up people saying this without the effort of looking at themselves, I think it really has no meaning. For me, I can’t feel any sort of attraction towards them.
[Ahahahah, but I totally understand. I think the same thing. You shouldn’t say these things when you aren’t even making an effort, should you?]
- Yes yes! It can’t really be helped if the effort is not getting you anywhere. However, there might be a mistake in the angle from which you are looking at your own efforts then. Usually there is really no trick to it and I don’t think one hasn’t to live so far as to sell oneself like that, nor should one disguise one’s own way of living. When you think like that and chose your own way of an awkward living, then you should really say that straight out, I think.
[Ahahahahaha! Yes yes! (laughs) I totally understand. Really, I think so, too. (laughs) As I said before, this is probably the reason why I can’t really be interested / attracted to people who are not interesting. There are so many people in this world who are attempting good things, and on the other hand, there are certainly some unreasonable/outrageous things as well. Really, there are things you can only ask [WHY?]. I think, guys who are just living clumsily can’t really tell. This is just what I think, though. For me, even lying to myself like that would be absolutely impossible. However, I am able to spit all these thoughts out in my lyrics, all the weakness and all the helplessness. I think it is extremely important to look at that together with my own strength.]
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